So I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my eight-year old grandson, later followed by a similar one with the ten-year old. I ran out to pick up something for supper and the eight-year old decided to come along; he is often my first mate and chief navigator on trips to the store when they boys are over. While we were driving along he was chattering away as usual and out of the blue he says: \u201cSo Papa, when are you going to <ah..ahem\u2026arghh\u2026bllek\u2026grrrr\u2026>?\u201d I laughed and asked \u201cWhat?\u201d and he again replied with throat clearing, muttering, and murmuring. And then I got it; he was asking when I was going to die. Don\u2019t get me wrong here \u2013 it was not abashedly or hesitantly asked and there was no real discomfort in him \u2013 the throat clearing muttering was actually a comedic tool \u2013 he was asking a serious question but taking the edge off with humor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Laughing, I went on to explain that,\nbeing in decent shape, no terribly bad habits, no chronic conditions, and based\nupon statistics, that I would probably live to somewhere between 85 and 93 \u2013\naround another twenty or twenty-five years. He went on to do some math and\nponder how old he would be and how old his brother would be. And it pretty much\nended there, he didn\u2019t have any more questions and went off on another topic.\nLater in the night I was telling Teri about it and the ten-year old was\nlistening and he had some questions of his own on possible the timing of our\ndeath. The conversation was open, light, and airy and didn\u2019t last long \u2013 they\nboth seemed satisfied with response, probably because to them, twenty or so\nyears seems like an eternity. It is twice as long as the ten-year old has been\nalive, so it is two lifetimes to him. But of course, to me (perspective again\ndear reader) twenty years is only around a quarter of my lifespan, meaning that\nI am three quarters done \u2013 only 25% left \u2013 if I am lucky. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t write this with a fatalistic\npoint of view; it has been a long and absolutely magical journey so far, made\nall the better with the thought that there is still a lot yet to come. And not\nhaving to work any more is just the icing on the cake. Although there is little\ndoubt I\u2019d have preferred to take the \u201cno work\u201d part through the earlier years\nrather than the later; physical deterioration tends to limit where your\nadventures will take you! None the less I remain excited and enthused for what memories\nI will accrue in the last part of my life. That assuming, of course, that\nnothing unexpected intervenes in this grand plan to get to 90 or so. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what I find fascinating is how my\ngrandsons are beginning to recognize the inevitable reality that they will lose\ntheir grandparents. They lost pets, seen friends lose pets and even\ngrandparents, but haven\u2019t seen it in the family yet. They know they lost their\ngreat-grandparents at an age too young for them to remember, but they see\npictures and are told stories, so they know there was a loss. When we were all\nyounger, and my first grandson came along, living long enough to ensure he\nwould remember me became the most important thing in my life \u2013 it is why I managed\nto quit smoking after almost fifty years of the habit. I needed to do everything\nI could to try to live deep enough into his life so that he would know me, and\nwould have genuine memories of me. And then the second grandson arrived and\npushed the time line out even farther for the same reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019ve read me dear reader, you know\nI was deposited into an orphanage at birth. So there is, of course, zero memory\nof my birth parents. Then, at five, I lost my mom who had adopted me, and I\nreally don\u2019t have any memory of her. In my personal experience, I think you\nneed to be at least eight or nine before you have concrete memories of someone\nwhen they die. My grandsons are now eight and ten and I think, I hope, they are\nfar along enough in their timeline that I am implanted and they will always\nhave good memories of how much I loved them and enjoyed them. But my darling little\ngranddaughter is only four, so I need at least five more years for her memories\nto solidify as well. How lucky am I? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But, like all things in life, there is\na duality here \u2013 a second darker side \u2013 that contradicts the first. The longer\nand more fully I am in their lives, the harder the loss will be for them. And I\nhate that. I don\u2019t want them to mourn me when that time finally arrives; and\nthere is the duality of love. By loving them and filling them with memories, I involuntarily\nplace the burden of loss and grief upon them. Better to have loved and lost\u2026..?\nIt was my wish to live long enough to always be a part of their conscious mind\nand I\u2019ve done that, but at the price of them now recognizing they can \u2013 will \u2013\nlose me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ultimately there is no right answer and\nfrankly, it is beyond my control anyway. I am a leaf blowing in the ethereal\nangel\u2019s breath of life\u2019s wind. I fervently believe that it is better to fill their\nyears with me with unconditional love and warm memories and deal with the loss\nwhen it happens, then not. I have no concrete memories of my mom, only\nindistinct hazy flashes that may, or may not, be real. I would dearly love just\na couple of memories of our time together, however brief. And I am glad that I\nhave done just that for my grandsons and hope to do the same my granddaughter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hearing them tentatively probing how\nold I am and how long I may be around was uncomfortable knowing their fear. But\nbeing here to answer their questions and ease their concerns is so much better\nthan the alternative. Hug your little ones dear reader \u2013 hug them and love them\nlike there is no tomorrow because someday, a day we never see coming, there\nwill be no tomorrow. Now go make some memories! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my eight-year old grandson, later followed by a similar one with the ten-year old. I ran out to pick up something for supper and the eight-year old decided to come along; he is often my first mate and chief navigator on trips to the store when they […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"ocean_front_end_style_editor":"no","ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humanity","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\n