{"id":2070,"date":"2019-12-31T20:08:19","date_gmt":"2019-12-31T20:08:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bobwolff.org\/?p=2070"},"modified":"2019-12-31T20:08:25","modified_gmt":"2019-12-31T20:08:25","slug":"can-we-balance-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bobwolff.org\/index.php\/2019\/12\/31\/can-we-balance-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Can We Balance Loss?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">My last post of 2019 or my first of 2020 \u2013 a matter of\nperspective. None the less \u2013 Happy New Year dear reader!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ve written of balance multiple times on this blog; about\nthe importance of balance, that in fact, it is a necessity \u2013 perhaps\ninescapable even. I wrote many detailed posts on it (search for \u201cbalance\u201d in\nthe search window to find them all) always speaking of the equity and equality\nin life. But recent thoughts involving friends made me wonder about that, and\nthus this post was born.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">I remain a diehard believer in balance, let me get that out\nof the way right now. But during this short stroll, you will observe me\nquestion it and ponder the truth in it. It is surely true that all equations in\nnature balance (as in my post of May 2018 \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/bobwolff.org\/index.php\/2018\/05\/27\/suddenly-summer\/\">Suddenly Summer<\/a>\u201d). That remains as a constant. But is there an equation for\nsorrow or grief? Is there such a thing as balance in happiness and despair? Can\nwe expect life to be fair or just with regards to emotions as deep as these? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">The immediate and obvious answer is: of course not! We all\nknow that life is not fair. And indeed, what s fair? I am instantly drawn to\nthe latest war of words in Washington between the House and the Senate. Or\nshould I say between the Democrats and the Republicans? If anyone wonders why\nthis has become an Us vs. Them \/ You vs. Me society, look no further than the\nleaders of this country, but I digress. The latest in a long line of\nessentially daily bickering is about a \u201cfair\u201d hearing. The politics aside,\ntrying to make anything truly fair is a prodigious task at best. What is\n\u201cfair\u201d? From purely a definition perspective, it is \u201cmarked by impartiality and\nhonesty; free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism. Lacking either the\npurest overseer draped with nobility and wrapped in objectiveness (traits\nconspicuously absent in our nation\u2019s capital) or someone with absolutely no\nstake in the game, i.e. someone who could not care less about the outcome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">It is improbable that Washington will find \u201cfair\u201d in their\nlatest round of disagreements; or ever for that matter. And that is much the\nsame as everything else we experience in life as sojourners; due to that\nmarvelously intricate catalyst to all things: perspective. What is fair to you\nwill rarely seem fair to me. As I just said, the further removed, the less\ninvolved one is, the better their odds of being able to objectively determine\nwhat is and is not, fair. It is not necessarily equality or even just; it often\nlittle more than a feeble attempt to level the playing field. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">But for most of us in life, \u201cfair\u201d is more than a set of\nrules in a game or contest; it\u2019s about the cosmic justice, lady luck, or that\nbenevolent demon \u2013 karma. Often when we cry out that something is not fair, it\nis less about being \u201cfair\u201d and more about us losing out and someone else\ngaining: an advantage, a reward, a promotion, or even something as silly as a\nparking spot. It has become almost innate in us to cry out \u201cthat\u2019s not fair!\u201d regardless\nof the circumstance; certainly there are times that truly warrant the outcry,\nbut oft times we utter it without thought or accuracy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">Such with loss. There are no ethereal scales mighty enough to be able to weigh the consequence of a loss when compared to the joys already experienced in a person\u2019s life. Rather than delve into an entire lifetime of a person and the breadth and depth of the complexities of human emotions, I will keep it simple and use a dog as my analogy. Breed and size aside, overall a dog lives for ten years. And during those years, they love unconditionally. They anxiously count the seconds until our return when we leave and dance like it is 1999 when e do get home. The give and they protect and they love throughout their entire lives and in seemingly an instant, they are gone. And we all cry out \u201cIt\u2019s not fair\u201d when they leave us. Add up all the love and joy they provided to us over those ten years and can it compare to that moment of loss? I can answer for myself that it cannot. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">Yet step back \u2013 become uninvolved \u2013 alter your perspective to\nexclude emotions and include vast tracts of time and the answer changes; ten\nyears of unconditional love certainly outweighs the pain from the loss. It does\nnot feel it when you are in the moment, but with time and perspective we come\nto realize that loss is painful and fairness has nothing to do with it. We simply\ncan\u2019t attempt to balance the equation with loss. As Alfred Lord Tennyson said, \u201cTis\nis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all\u201d. And that is\nso true; the moment of loss, regardless of the mechanism, as horrifically\npainful and devastating as it is pales by comparison to the myriad of memories borne\nfrom that time together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">In the throes of grief there is no equation in the world that\ncan balance that moment of loss against the joys accumulated throughout the\ntime shared. One could actually argue that the greater the joys of the\nrelationship, the deeper the grief of the loss. And perhaps that is the lesson\nin this; loss is not fair and is never going to be easy. And during that moment\nit is not fair to assume there can ever be anything called balance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-very-dark-gray-color wp-block-paragraph\">Happy New Year!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My last post of 2019 or my first of 2020 \u2013 a matter of perspective. None the less \u2013 Happy New Year dear reader!! I\u2019ve written of balance multiple times on this blog; about the importance of balance, that in fact, it is a necessity \u2013 perhaps inescapable even. I wrote many detailed posts on [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2071,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"ocean_front_end_style_editor":"no","ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2070","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Can We Balance Loss? - Through the Eyes of a Wolff<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/bobwolff.org\/index.php\/2019\/12\/31\/can-we-balance-loss\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can We Balance Loss? - Through the Eyes of a Wolff\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My last post of 2019 or my first of 2020 \u2013 a matter of perspective. None the less \u2013 Happy New Year dear reader!! I\u2019ve written of balance multiple times on this blog; about the importance of balance, that in fact, it is a necessity \u2013 perhaps inescapable even. 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None the less \u2013 Happy New Year dear reader!! I\u2019ve written of balance multiple times on this blog; about the importance of balance, that in fact, it is a necessity \u2013 perhaps inescapable even. 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