I am trying to get back into some sort of rhythm or routine\nwith writing but life keeps intervening. First it was a week or two of computer\nissues, then the craziness of the holiday, and now\u2026..sick. A cold, my first (I\nthink) since I retired. Which is remarkable seen that the cold germ and I were\ndeeply entrenched in a steamy toxic relationship for years \u2013 stress, long\nhours, and exhaustion provided a vile cocktail that would feed the germ and\ndrag me down. It seemed that I would just be clearing the cough of one cold when\nanother would slide into me. And even though I do have a cold, it is not the\nsame as the old days; being able to stay home and to sit and rest makes all the\ndifference in the world. But even though it is not dragging me to one of Dante\u2019s\nlevels of hell, it is still unpleasant and disruptive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do have to add, the fact that I was a smoker certainly contributed\nto the depths and severity of the colds I caught. I had my first cigarette\naround age 14 I think, and really never looked back. It ws intermittent at\nfirst but by age 19 or so, I was smoking every day. At its worst, I would do\ntwo packs in a day \u2013 hard to even type that it is so embarrassing \u2013 but it is\ntrue. It was the single most insidious addiction I think could ever plague a\nhuman. The habit required careful planning to ensure I would not run out of the\n20 little precious monkeys destined for my back. Storms required advance\npurchases to ensure I\u2019d have enough to tide me over. Trips were difficult as\nsmoking became less and less tolerated in public. I recall taking a airplane\ntrip and being able to smoke in my seat in the plane. And then I remember a\nlayover in Philadelphia and I had to leave the airport and go outside to have a\nsmoke, then go through all the security lines all over again. Insidious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t tell you how creative I could be in finding places to\nsneak a smoke. And I hated every minute of it. I hated the lack of self-control;\nhated the grip it had on me. Yet on I smoked. Through my 30\u2019s and 40\u2019s and into\nmy 50\u2019s. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I remained fit \u2013 ran, hiked, and so on. But I\nsmoked, like the proverbial chimney, for years. I did quit though \u2013 five or six\ntimes. But could not seem to make it hold \u2013 there was always an excuse, a\nreason, to go back to smoking. And I loathed myself for it; absolutely hated\nthe grip in which it held me. I got myself down to fewer and fewer each day\nuntil it was just two, and then, just one. And on my 57th<\/sup> birthday,\nI finally loosed the grip in which the habit had held me for over 40 years and\nI stopped altogether. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the last years since I did quit, I\u2019ve watched friends who still smoke literally run out the gates at work at break time and lunch time so they could have a smoke. And every time I saw it I felt a pang of empathy for them, knowing all too well the demon driving them and the self-disappointment in yielding to it once again. Rain, snow, cold, blazing heat \u2013 it mattered not \u2013 out they went to scratch that itch. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I am so glad to be done with it; I used to dream of a time\nwhen my actions would not be driven by nicotine craving and never believed that\nthe day would come. There is some measure of freedom from quitting, some sense\nof pride, but still some sense of shame that I let it happen to myself for so\nlong. And of course, the health side of the equation. You simply can\u2019t smoke\nfor almost 50 years and not have it affect your health; it may well be the\nreason I am on high blood pressure medication. So far (knock on wood) the BP is\nthe only impact of which I am aware. And I pray it stays that way; I worry\nabout heart damage and lung damage but happily so far neither has manifested any\nissues. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It is difficult for me to imagine someone more addicted than\nwas I; perhaps there are others, but I can tell you that I was really bad. And\nwe are now coming up on 7years without a cigarette; no slips, no sneaks \u2013 done and\ndone. And if I could do it, so can you. Whether that mean cigarettes, alcohol,\ndrugs, or whatever \u2013 YOU can take control of your life again and defeat the\ndemon. It is not easy and it is not quick; it is a minute by minute, day in and\nday out battle for a very long time until you walk out the other side addiction\nfree. But it can be done. As long as you want to end it, as long as you want to\nbe free of it, you can. But you have to want to; if you are doing it because\nyour wife or brother or mother is telling you that you need to quit, you will\nlikely not succeed; you have to quit because YOU want to quit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And this concept is not limited to a quitting bad habit, quite the contrary \u2013 you can apply the same effort and reap the same rewards to anything you wish to change about yourself: weight loss, better fitness, education are all examples of changes you can make in yourself for the good.\u00a0 They all require commitment and of course that starts with wanting to make the change. The power is within you dear reader \u2013 the depth of resolve of the human spirit is incredible. I hope you find the resolve to change something in your life and I wish you great success in doing it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am trying to get back into some sort of rhythm or routine with writing but life keeps intervening. First it was a week or two of computer issues, then the craziness of the holiday, and now\u2026..sick. A cold, my first (I think) since I retired. Which is remarkable seen that the cold germ and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2068,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"ocean_front_end_style_editor":"no","ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humanity","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\n